When Parenting Feels Overwhelming: from reactivity to calm
Sometimes, when a child does something that makes their mom or dad really upset, like talking back, crying a lot, or not listening, it is not always because the child did something terrible. It can be because what the child did reminds the parent of something that hurt them a long time ago when they were little. It is like pressing an old bruise, it still hurts, even if it happened years ago.
When parents feel that old pain, they might get angry or yell, even though they do not really mean to. Later, they might feel sad or sorry because deep down, they love their child and did not want to react that way.
The good news is, when parents realize this, they can start healing those old hurts. And when they heal, they can love and understand their children even more.
I believe you can relate to this, if you have ever noticed how quickly your child’s behavior can stir up big emotions in you. One moment, you are calm. The next, you are raising your voice or shutting down, wondering, “Why did I get so angry over something so small?”
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many parents struggle with the same thing, especially when their child’s behavior awakens old, unhealed parts of their own story. The good news? Your anger does not make you a “bad parent.” It makes you human. And it can also be the doorway to deep healing, for you and for your child.
If you’re looking for therapy in Coral Springs that helps you understand and release these emotions with compassion, this is the work I do every day with parents just like you.
Why Anger Shows Up
If we go with the perspective that anger is not the problem, and it is actually a messenger, I believe we can really start looking to anger as a protector of from feelings we learned long ago were “too much” to sit with. For many parents, that might be:
Feeling unheard as a child.
Being criticized or shamed when making mistakes.
Carrying the belief, “I’m not good enough.”
When your child pushes back, melts down, or does not listen, it can trigger those same old feelings you carried when you were their age. Your body remembers, even if your mind does not. That. is why the anger you feel today may not be about your child at all. It may be an echo of your own childhood pain asking for attention. In the work with me, I help parents trace these emotional echoes back to their roots and learn healthier, more peaceful ways to respond.
The Cycle of Pain in Families
Pain often travels through families and If it is not faced, it gets passed down like a heavy backpack full of rocks. Each generation carries it until someone finally decides to stop, open the bag, and lay the rocks down.
Think about it:
If you grew up around yelling, you might raise your voice more quickly.
If you felt dismissed, you might struggle to truly listen.
If love was conditional, you might repeat that pattern without realizing it.
But here is the beautiful part: you do not have to keep carrying that backpack. You can choose to open it, look at what is inside, and decide which pieces stop with you. That is what generational healing looks like and it is something I specialize in through trauma-informed therapy in Coral Springs.
What Your Child Really Needs
It is easy to believe that your kids need you to be calm and patient all the time. But that’s not true. What I have learned and witnessed is that our children need us to be more human, more acceptable that, we also mess up. To make mistakes and acknowledge them quickly. To let them know that we also feel those not that good emotions like anger, frustration, rage, emotions we tend to label as bad and unacceptable.
They need us to mirror we are humans too. That means:
Noticing when anger shows up, instead of shaming yourself.
Pausing before reacting, even if just for a breath.
Saying, “I got really upset there. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
Showing them that it’s safe to feel big emotions and repair afterward.
When you do this, you teach your child something powerful: that emotions are safe, that love can withstand imperfection, and that healing is possible.
You Do not Have to Do This Alone
Parenting is one of the hardest, and most healing journeys we will ever walk. If your child’s behavior is bringing up old anger or pain, that is not a failure. It’s an invitation.
An invitation to look inward.
An invitation to heal what you have carried for too long.
An invitation to give your children a different story than the one you received.
You are allowed to lay the backpack down.
You are allowed to feel lighter.
And your children are allowed to grow up in a home where emotions are safe and love is steady.
If you’re ready to start this journey, I. would love to help. I offer trauma-informed therapy and anger healing for parents in Coral Springs, Florida, both in-person and online across the state of Florida.
Schedule your free consultation today. Fill out the contact form here and I will contact you back. Together, we can explore where your anger comes from, how to release it with compassion, and how to parent from a place of peace instead of pain.
Tatiana St. Germain. Licensed Therapist & Hypnotherapist in Coral Springs, FL. Serving clients online throughout Florida